Do Better. Immediately.

Do Better. Immediately.

The late Madeleine Albright said it best: 

I share this clip each semester with students in my WomenLead class and we discuss how important it is to be hypewomen for each other. (S/O to Erin Gallagher and Rachel Bowie for the inspo.) 

So, when I heard JD Vance’s sexist remarks about “childless cat ladies,” I rolled my eyes at his level of ignorance and took delight when countless women (and allies) rallied to support each other. But Sarah Huckabee Sanders’ trash comments about VP Harris stayed with me. It was triggering as hell. ICYMI, here’s what she said: “My kids keep me humble. Unfortunately, Kamala Harris doesn’t have anything keeping her humble.” (Sources: MSNBC, NYT, Politico, USA Today … among others. This was headline-making news.) 

Get Out of My Uterus 

Over the past 20 years,  especially in the workplace with white female co-workers, I have been the target of comments such as these: 

• “You need to have a baby.”
• “Don’t get too smart too soon – you’ll never find a man.” 
• “You need to have a baby.” 
• “Why don’t you have kids?” 
• “You’d make a great mom.” 
• “How many kids do you have?”
• “You don’t have kids?!?” 
• “Do you want kids?” 
• “Why don’t you want kids?”

Although I claim the “childless cat lady” clique, I actually have a 16-year mixed breed dog named Cookie Thee Monster. Although many people have tried to include me in conversations by asking me about my dog when they talk about their children, let’s be clear: A dog (or any other pet) is not a child. I don’t have to teach Cookie how to cross the street, wash her hands, reinforce what she is learning in school with at-home follow-ups, take out a life insurance policy, teach her about racism and sexism, pray that I raise her to be a productive member of society long after my time on earth expires, etc … She is a pet. I own her. 

I turned 42 this year. 

At 22, I was engaged and on my way to grad school. At 32, I was enjoying the post-divorce euphoria of dating. People I knew were getting married, getting divorced, getting remarried, having kids, losing parents, getting degrees, moving across the country, and more. I was also in the mix of building my career, consistently going to therapy, earning more money, buying a house, transitioning from relaxed to natural hair, and stepping into my power as a Black woman. 

But I wasn’t a mother. And many women, I came to realize, placed a lot of value on their proximity to man and motherhood. They also projected this onto me. 

Quick history lesson/sneak peek into my dissertation: Black women were treated as property from the moment they were brought to this land. They were routinely sexually assaulted by white masters and disparaged by white mistresses – both of whom blamed enslaved women for their own mistreatment. Femininity was equated with white womanhood, and sexual deviancy was equated with Black women. 

Therefore, when a white guy in the year of our Lord 2024 disparages women without kids and then a white woman doubles down by disparaging a multiracial woman for not having biological children … it shows that Secretary Albright’s words are critical to understanding why women should support each other – especially when it comes to our bodies. 

It is a shame when men with power can radically shift laws regarding women’s reproductive health. It’s even worse when women side with them. It’s terrifying that women are dying because of these decisions. 

Say her name: Amber Thurman. 

Tracee Ellis Ross recently made a powerful statement about women who are not mothers. 

@apnews From @AP Entertainment ♬ original sound – The Associated Press

This is powerful and incredibly healing. I know women who’ve had traumatic pregnancies and childbirth experiences. I know women who have experienced multiple miscarriages. I know women who cannot have children. I know women who express regrets about children. I know women who love motherhood. I listen and learn from them all.  

I don’t know what my future holds. I can only control the controllables. The desires of my heart can change, which is OK. What I do know is that I am grateful for my life and for the women in it. From my mother and grandmother, aunties and great aunties, sisters and sisters-in-law, best friends and good friends, etc., I am blessed to have all of these women in my life who exemplify that womanhood can look so many different ways. Some have kids and some do not. Some want kids and some do not. All of this is OK. It does not minimize their value in any way. This is a lesson so many people (such as JDV and SHS) need to learn. 

With that said, I am also planning on using my vote to protect women. I might not ever be a mother, but I will always be a hypewoman. I’ll be standing on business as I do for every election but especially this one. I want to protect the women that I know … and the millions that I might not ever meet. But that’s the thing about being a hypewoman: Support is limitless. #LFG